Sometimes you may find yourself in difficult situations that you don’t see a clear way out, or an easy way out. Is these times where it’s even harder for a person to think with clarity, since stress and anxiety can make it difficult. If you’ve involved yourself in another relationship while married, and now you have a girlfriend that doesn’t know that you’re married, you’re probably thinking when it’s the best time to tell her that you’re a married man. The answer is: The sooner that she knows, the better. You’d only be postponing bigger problems if you keep it from her.
However it’s easier said than done, this is why in this post I’m gonna walk you through some steps so you know how to do it in the best possible way!
If your girlfriend knew from the beginning that you’re married, she would probably not have become your girlfriend. Which could’ve helped in the long run. But if she has no clue, it could cause her a really big crisis, nevertheless the longer you wait, the bigger problem you will have.
One thing that you have to be really aware of, is that it’s going to be really difficult. There’s no easy way out of it, that’s just how it is. So there’s not a real reason to make her wait to know about this, since the outcome won’t change much.
If you’re wondering how do I solve something like this? Here are 5 steps to take to solve an issue like this:
- Accept the Full Reality of what has happened
- Seek to Understand why it happened
- If others were involved, acknowledge the harm done to them
- Take any and all possible actions that might minimize the harm done
- Firmly Commit Yourself to behave differently in the future
This steps are by Nathaniel Branden in his book “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem”, they are great, and they can help to solve any issue in the best possible way.
This post is all about what to do if you’re in a relationship with someone that doesn’t know you’re married that everyone in this situation should know about.
1. Accept the Full Reality of what has happened
This might be the hardest step, since you have to make yourself self conscious about what happened.
Before going and talking to your girlfriend that you have a wife, you should deal with it personally. Accept what has happened without any disownership or avoidance. This means to not minimize what has happened, don’t underestimate it, you would just be faking yourself. Instead, recognize everything that has happened and try to be as much self aware as you can possibly be. This will help your self esteem immensely.
2. Seek To Understand Why it Happened
This step is all about understanding. Try to see why did you get to this point. What were the causes, the roots of the problem. Something to keep in mind always when doing this, is to do it compassionately. Be a friend to yourself, not an enemy. Your goal here is to identify the cause, so that in the future you can anticipate in such ways that you won’t be even close of making the same mistakes ever aguen.
Many people don’t think about the causes of their immoral actions, which will lead to them making the same mistakes over and over.
3. If others where involved, acknowledge the harm done
This is when you tell your girlfriend. Step 1 & 2 are before you tell your girlfriend you have a wife. Step 3 is when you actually tell her.
You also have to convey and accept the consequences of your behavior. This means, that you will break up almost for sure, and any possible consequences that you might have to take responsibility for with your wife.
Should I tell my Wife I cheated?
If you’ve cheated on your wife, and you’re wondering if you should tell her or not, the short answer is as a general rule yes, you should tell her. Because you had an agreement with her that you wouldn’t go after any other girls in a romantic way and it was broken.
Nevertheless Dr. Jordan Peterson, a clinical phycologist says that he doesn’t know if the person should tell if he cheated or take it as a lesson for his/her life to not do it ever aguen.
4. Take any and all possible actions that might repair
Now that you’ve told to the correspondant people the harm done, it’s time to do every single thing that you can do to repair the damage done. If you’re scared to tell your wife, this step could help lower your fear in some way, since it can help to restore what has been lost.
To determine which actions should you take, you need to ask yourself, “What value am I trying to restore and why?”.
For example, let’s say I want to repair the screen of my phone because it broke when my phone fell. To do that I have to think logically, understand the identity of my phone, and what it needs so that I repair it, a new phone screen. I can’t apply a phone screen that doesn’t match my phone model. It needs to be in accordance to that specific model so it can be repaired.
For instance, let’s say I broke my mother’s mirror. Step 4 says go to the store and buy her another mirror. This is taking responsibility for your actions and doing everything you can to restore what was lost.
If you don’t repair or restore, you might be able to get along with it, but your self esteem won’t. Because you can’t trick it into thinking you’re a responsible person if you don’t own up your actions.
5. Firmly Commit Yourself to behave differently in the Future
One thing that you can offer to the people that have been harmed, is that you firmly commit yourself to behave differently in the future. This is even more important than an apology, is what actually counts.
You can also ask for a second chance. Is valid to give second chances if a person is a value to you. You can say something like “Let me prove to you that this won’t happen in the future”. And actually don’t let it happen aguen.
An infidelity is one of the hardest things to go through. There are some that are more forgivable than other ones, but you should focus on never letting it happen aguen. Because you don’t want to be that kind of person.
What is the best way to tell a girl you’re dating that you’re married?
There’s no easy way to tell a girl that you’re dating that you’re married. So don’t have high expectations of an easy way out. But the best way to tell her is just by being honest, gentle and empathetic. Don’t disown any parts of the truth, tell her in a gentle way and understand her emotions.
Tell her that actually, you’re married, and that you’re sorry you didn’t tell her sooner, but that she deserves respect and to know the truth. You’re just sorry that you didn’t tell her sooner. That was your mistake, and you understand if she’s feeling crushed.
There’s no easy way out of it, but being empathetic, gentle and honest is the best way to tell her.
Is it OK to date while being married?
Sometimes a marriage can provide such security, that you think you’d be totally okay without it. That you don’t need it. What you don’t know is that the security you feel is thanks to your partner. And without your partner you wouldn’t be okay. Because you would lose the safety and security you feel since it’s thanks to him or to her.
Take a little kid, for instance. That feels so safe, that he thinks he doesn’t need his house or his family and he can leave it and be okay. What he doesn’t understand is that the safety that he feels is provided by the Mom that takes care of him.
If you’re married and you’re wondering if it’s OK to date someone, because you happened to like them and it seems more exciting than your marriage, the answer is: No, you shouldn’t date someone if you’re married. Because it’ll destroy your marriage, but most importantly, your self esteem. In most cases, thinking that you’d be okay without your partner is a fallacy. Because you don’t know that the safety you feel is provided by your partner, and without him/her you wouldn’t be okay.
If you want to have a romantic relationship with someone else, firstly you need to end your marriage. And then you can focus on building another relationship, having 2 relationships at a time won’t work.
Is it OK to flirt while married?
If you’re married and you cross by someone else that you’re attracted to, and you’re wondering if it’s OK to flirt, the answer is: No, it would go against yourself and your marriage. It’d be an immoral act, and won’t benefit you. Unless your goal is to leave your marriage and have a relationship with someone else. But in that case, you should leave your marriage first, and then you are free to flirt.
This post was all about when to tell your girlfriend that you’re married, that everyone in this situation should know about.
