If your boyfriend wants to break up with you but you want him to stay, you’re going to feel very anxious. It’s not a pleasant surprise for anyone to know they don’t want to keep going with them when you love them and care for them.
In this situation people can feel scared, without peace, and very anxious. Sounds anything like you? Don’t worry, this post is all about what to do when your boyfriend wants to break up with you. There’s a list of steps that we need to take in order to make the smartest moves and strategy. The 5 steps you need to take when your boyfriend wants to break up with you are:
- Understand the 2 types of Break Ups
- Look at what’s causing it
- Plan what to say strategically
- Talk about it in a strategic moment
- Act as if you would be okay (even when you think you wouldn’t)
After knowing this steps more in detail you’re going to be a pro and super prepared to encounter this situation in the best possible way.
This post is all about what to do when my boyfriend wants to break up with me, the 5 steps everyone in this situation should know about.
1. Understand the 2 types of Break Ups
When it comes to break ups, there are mainly 2 types and it’s super important to understand the 2. Because this will tell you if you should actually be concerned, or if you shouldn’t be really.
The main 2 types are the following:
- The Noisy One
- The Quiet One
What you need to do in this step 1 is to understand the 2 types and identify which type he’s being.
The Noisy One
This type is the type that’s constantly threatening with breaking up, he uses it as a way to manipulate the other person (usually without being aware) and his security comes from the insecurity of the other person.
This type says he’ll break up during fights. If he’s saying that he’ll break up right in the middle of a fight or after, he qualifies into this type. This type usually feels powerful and fearless and he tends to forget that he feels that way because the other person is providing that safety and security.
This type doesn’t recognize the importance of the other person in his life. Therefore he plays with the relationship because he doesn’t think it’s that important but deep down it’s actually really important to him.
One of the most important characteristics of this type, is that he acts on emotions. He says he wants to break up during a fight and the fight will be over, the anger will be gone, and his choice most likely will be gone too.
If your boyfriend is this type, you almost shouldn’t worry at all! Because since he’s acting on his emotions, when his emotions change, his actions will change. In other words, is highly unlikely that he will break up.
Is very common with this type that he comes to say sorry after a fight, and after saying he wanted to break up, or after he broke up.
If this is your type, then don’t worry, you’re very highly likely okay about him leaving you. But this type needs to work to stop playing with the relationship.
The Quiet One
This type is the type that doesn’t threat with breaking up, he comes one day and says he wants to break up and he breaks up.
This type is not emotional based on his decision, he doesn’t break up during a fight and his decision is more likely to be true than not.
If this type is your type, then it’s more likely that he’s serious and will actually maintain his decision. Nevertheless there are still things you can do to influence his decision, or at least, that he thinks more about it.
This type tends to take a decision and stick to it. However, there are still possibilities that he can change his mind.
2. Look for the Cause
When someone wants to break up with you, it’s never out of nowhere. There are many clues that someone could leave, although they might just be nothing but it might be worth looking into.
When someone has stated that he wants to break up with you, there 100% needs to be a cause. This cause can be a variety of things, things like that he lost interest all the way to that he has someone else. Whatever it is, it’ll be worth to know because that will tell us what steps to take forward.
Maybe he has stated in the past things he didn’t like about the relationship, or maybe it’s a whole mystery. Most likely, you’ll know some reasons why it might be. Take this reasons into consideration when you talk to him the next time to have better chances of him staying.
3. Plan what to say strategically
When you talk to him, you want to make sure as much as you can that every word that you use has a purpose into the conversation.
One of the things you can propose to him, is that you guys wait a little longer. Ask him for more time, just that he’s completely sure about it. And show him that you will respect whatever decision he takes, even if it’s to break up.
For example, you might feel frustrated, anxious, worried, stressed, angry, scared, etc. But communicating this emotions directly to him will only cause you more problems. Instead, try to communicate something like the following:
“Hey ____, I’m very aware about what you said. And it’s something very important. It’s valid if you want to take that decision, it would make me very sad, and I would respect it, but before I would like if we could agree to give us a little more time, so that you’re completely sure.”
Or something like,
“Hey ____, I’m very aware about what you said and I think it’s a valid thing to do if that’s what you want. However I would appreciate if we could wait a week or two before you take the decision. If you don’t want to it will make me very sad, but it’s your decision and I will respect it. Please let me know”
As you can see you wouldn’t be communicating a lot of fear or anxiety, but also you would be communicating that you care about him and about the relationship and that it will make you sad if it comes to an end.
A very important thing to make clear, is that you will respect his choice.
This means that you won’t beg, won’t insist and won’t push. Maybe you could still give it a couple shots if he ends up taking the decision, but they need to be planned and they can’t be pushy if you want to have the best chances.
Don’t get too scared by this, when you show you will respect his choice, you make yourself more desirable to him. Therefore it’s your best chance of influencing him to change his mind.
4. Talk about it in a Strategic Moment
When emotions are high we tend to act more in a rush way that in a thoughtful way.
If you’re feeling scared and anxious, the automatic response to that is to act in a rushed manner. This would not benefit you because you’re likely to say things that will go against your purpose, which is to have him stay.
Instead, let your emotions cool down, and let his cool down as well.
If he’s the Noisy Type, then he needs time so that emotions cool down on him.
Find a moment where it’s likely that he’ll listen and won’t act on an impulsive way to talk to him about what we said in step 3.
Don’t worry if it takes a day or two for the moment to arrive, it’s very unlikely he’ll be able to move on that fast, even if he thinks or says he will.
This is specially important if he said he wanted to break up during a fight. If that’s the case then you should let the situation cool off and then come to talk about what we said in step 3. This will significantly increase your odds of having a successful conversation and that he doesn’t take rushed decisions.
5. Act as if you would be okay (even when you think you wouldn’t)
This is specially important if he’s the Noisy Type. Even if you feel really scared and like you won’t be able to live without him, is very important that you don’t communicate this to him.
Avoid comments like “you are my everything” “I can’t live without you” in this specific moments. Instead say things like “you are a huge value to me, but I will respect your choice” or “this will make me very sad if it happens, but I understand if that’s what you want”.
By putting it in those ways, you will help to not make manipulation a part of the relationship. This will also help the other person to not keep doing it, if it’s something that he did regularly and will make it more likely that he wants to stay with you, because security invites attraction.
In conclusion, having the right mindset when encountering this problems is going to make the difference or not on wether he is more incentivized to break up, or if you can persuade him not to do it.
Remember that your worth doesn’t come from him, it comes from the actions that you take day to day. Losing someone that’s a big value to you is something really hard to go through, but you will survive if it happens.
This post was all about what to do when my boyfriend wants to break up with me that everyone in this situation should know about to encounter it in the best possible way.
