Reconciling with someone that doesn’t want to is not easy. It’s very hard. Which is why most people in this position get frustrated and don’t know how to approach the situation anymore. You might even feel really anxious.
Sounds anything like you? You’re in the right place.
When you’re trying to reconcile with someone that doesn’t want to, the most common thing is that you’ll feel resistance. This resistance is a clear sign from the other person to show you that he/she doesn’t want to. When you encounter this resistance it can be challenging to know what to do. However, don’t worry. Here are 7 steps you can take to reconcile with someone who doesn’t want to:
- Understand is OK if the other person doesn’t want to.
- Show your desire to reconcile.
- Wait to get a response, don’t push.
- If the person doesn’t want to, Take Distance.
- Send an apology gift/note/card.
- Let it go if nothing works
This post is all about how to reconcile with someone that doesn’t want to. You’re going to learn the best tactics to approach this situation so that you have the best possible chances on solving the problem.
1. Understand is OK if the other person doesn’t want to
You might find it really hard to accept that the other person has resistance to reconcile. You might not like it, but sadly reality is reality no matter what, and we should try to be friends with it.
People act under their own interests, and the person that doesn’t want to reconcile, for some reason, doesn’t think it’s convenient for him/her to reconcile. We have to see how we can change that belief.
Our goal is to make the other person want to choose us. We can’t force the other person to want to, but maybe we can influence in good ways to change his/her opinion.
The basic pre requisite for a successful reconciliation is never forcing the person to do something he doesn’t want to do. Let’s start by acknowledging this and being 100% aware that this can happen. Therefore you will have less trouble in accepting this idea.
2. Show your Desire to Reconcile
If you want to reconcile with someone the first thing that it needs to happen is that the other person clearly knows you want to reconcile. You probably already tried to reconcile since you’ve noticed the other person doesn’t want to. But make sure that the way you have tried has been clear without confusing messages.
In other words, your communication has been so clear that it’d be really hard for the other person to misunderstand you.
Some things you should keep in mind when communicating your desire to reconcile are:
- Show a Positive-Constructive Attitude: Make it clear you are aiming at life, peace and construction. You are interested in reconciling because you want your relationship not to die.
- Make it clear is important to you: Make sure to communicate that he/she matters to you and you want to seek a solution to the problem because you care.
- Show it’s OK if he or she needs time
3. Wait to get a response, Don’t Push.
Sometimes waiting is the hardest time, because you might feel really anxious. This can happen because you have a high desire to reconcile, and high fear that it won’t happen.
Therefore you’d want the other person to respond as fast as possible. But wait, what can increase significantly the odds of the other person wanting to reconcile, is by feeling respected, valued and not forced to do anything.
Make sure to not give the minimum reasons for the other person feeling forced to reconcile. Reconcile is a choice, it requires 2 people, not just 1. Forgiveness only needs 1. You need the other person to want to.
4. If the person doesn’t want to, Take Distance.
When you’re dealing with someone that doesn’t want to reconcile even when he already knows that you want to, the best thing to do is to Take distance. Taking distance will provoke a void that will show the other person how important you are to them.
Step 4 might be the most important of them all. If you are dealing with a person who does not want to reconcile with you despite knowing that you do, is probably because they don’t consider you a valuable person subconsciously. So when you take distance, and show that you are doing totally okay, if they truly care about you, they will inevitably miss you and want to reconcile with you.
If they’re not that close it might be harder, but the principle is the same.
5. Send an Apology gift/note/card
Now that you’ve taken distance, the odds of the other person wanting to reconcile are as high as they could be. So this is the perfect time to send a little special detail to show that you want to reconcile.
Make a nice apology note or card to show them that you actually care about your relationship with them. Also you could send them a gift, or a gift with a note. This will show better than a regular conversation or text message that you care. It will leave a mark and most likely not be forgotten. It’ll make it more desirable for the person to want to reconcile. Which was our goal in the first place.
6. Let it Go if nothing works
Sometimes sadly, the person just won’t change his/her opinion about you and won’t want to reconcile as much as you’ve done everything that it’s in your hands to do.
So if you’ve come to the point where you have tried and tried to reconcile with the other person but you haven’t been successful. Is probably time to let go, and move on. As a way of showing yourself respect. If you have done everything to be done and they still don’t want to, that’s their fault, not yours.
However if you say “But this person is really valuable to me” then maybe you should keep trying. As long as it doesn’t start tearing you apart that this situation is not solved easily. Some things take time, and that’s okay. If the other person is still showing resistance, then you should take distance for a longer period of time, and then try to reach out aguen.
That one who perseveres will attain. But with some people you might not be able to. But that’s on them, not on you.
This post was all about the 6 steps on how to reconcile with someone that doesn’t want to that everyone dealing with this situation should know about.
