If you’re experiencing control and manipulation from your boyfriend regularly, and specially if you even mention breaking up, it can get pretty frustrating and block you from knowing what to do with clarity.
Feels anything like you? Don’t worry, this post is all about the best tips on what to do when you want to break up with your boyfriend but he won’t let you.
When you are in a relationship, there is attachment. If there’s no attachment, the relationship can easily end. The problem is that this attachment can come not only in healthy ways, but unhealthy ways too. The main 2 emotions that create couple’s attachments are: Love & Hate. So what this tells you is that if there’s fights, there’s going to be attachment as well. So when you want to break up with your boyfriend but he doesn’t let you, is because he has a strong attachment with you still. And the best way to have a sustainable break up is by lowering the level of attachment he has with you.
There are many ways to do this, however, this might not be enough, therefore we will look at several things you should definitely do when trying to break up with a boyfriend who won’t let you, which are the following:
- Stop Any Fighting going on
- Make stronger Boundaries
- Identify Guilt Messages
- Get support from someone you trust
- Cut the communication
Is not about making your boyfriend allow you to break up, it doesn’t work like that. For there to be a break up you don’t need the other person to agree, it only takes 1 of the 2 for there to be a break up. If your falling on his game where he doesn’t allow you is because he’s manipulating you and succeeding at it. In order to fix this, we need to check the steps mentioned above more in detail.
After learning each of this steps more in depth, you’re going to be super prepared when it comes to breaking up with a boyfriend who won’t let you.
This post is all about how to break up with a boyfriend who won’t let you that anyone in this situation should know about.
1. Stop Any Fights Going On
The first thing to do here is to try to lower the level of attachment between you two. When a couple fights, they don’t get less attached, they get more attached. And this attachment is usually through the emotion of hate.
Therefore, the thing you must avoid if it’s a challenge to break up with him because he won’t let you, is to focus on not fighting at all. This is extremely important because the more you fight, the more attached you will be, like it or not. That’s what’s going on.
Even if you were planning on staying on the relationship, the way to go is the same, avoid fights. And try to solve things in a different way.
Having this set, you’ll have something on your favor to make it easier to break up with someone who won’t let you.
2. Make Stronger Boundaries
Having boundaries is extremely important for any person, but even more in a situation like this. Boundaries keep you from falling into a manipulative game, they keep the good in and the bad out.
Knowing that your well being is more important than the other is crucial to understand. Since he could use that to manipulate you.
Having stronger boundaries looks something like this, in the scenario that you broke up, you:
- Won’t text back if you have said everything that needed to be said
- Won’t answer calls
- Will remove him from your social media
- If you lived together you will leave, or ask him to leave if you pay rent/mortgage
- You won’t do stuff for him that you probably did before (homework/car rides/favors/etc)
Any boundaries like this will help to give him the clear message that you are not joking about the break up. This will ensure the best chances regarding him understanding your decision. For him to take you serious, you need to be serious.
3. Identify Guilt Messages
Guilt messages are a powerful manipulation technique that a lot of people use, and most do it without knowing that they’re doing it.
It looks something like this. Say that your mom wants you to come visit her house, and in order to make you come, she says something like “You won’t even visit your poor lonely mom” or “if only someone visit this poor lady”. The point is that if there’s guilt in the message, it can easily make you do what they want you to do.
With your boyfriend, it could look something like “you don’t love me” or “I will be miserable the rest of my life” or “after all this time this is what I get?”. It can come in many ways, and it has a lot of power to make you do what they want if you don’t identify it.
The reason why you shouldn’t listen to this messages, is because is not your responsibility to make them happy, or to live for them. This will end in destruction. Instead, focus on what’s good for you, and most times, that will be good for them too.
4. Get support from someone you trust
This is really important so that you can go through this rough times.
Having someone that can give you support in every aspect of the situation is going to be crucial for your well being. This person can be a phycologist, therapist, mentor, family member that is mature, or a friend as a last resource.
It’s highly recommended to go with a professional so that you can go through this process more smoothly.
5. Cut the Communication
Before breaking up is crucial the you say everything that you need to say so that you can move on to cut the communication.
So before breaking up, make an strategic speech that will grab everything you will need to say and that will leave you calm since there wasn’t anything left to say.
After doing this, and breaking up with him is very important that you cut the communication.
Cutting the communication is going to make him take you more seriously.
In order for the break up to be sustainable you need to cut the communication firmly. This is extremely important, if not, you can fall in a flip flop relationship.
This may be really hard if you are still very emotionally attached, that’s why it’s highly recommended that you focus on step 1 before breaking up. Fights are not the way to go for any scenario, if you want to nurture your relationship, or if you want to break up.
Having a clear plan about what to do and how to react to certain things is key so that you can approach this situation in the best possible way.
When your boyfriend doesn’t accept a break up, it needs to be managed strategically, and normally the way to go is not through fighting him, there’s no point on doing that. Rather you can be clear about the decision without leaving him doubts and after that your actions match what you said.
This will ensure that you have the best odds of him taking you seriously.
This post was all about how to break up with a boyfriend who won’t let you that everyone in this situation should know about.
