Not being able to trust people can become something overwhelming. In the 8 stages of life of Erik Erikson, we can see some relation to trust issues and what it could lead to. It all starts very little with mistrust, then shame, then guilt, inferiority, confusion, isolation, stagnation and despair. Verywellmind has a good article on it. However this doesn’t mean that if a person has trust issues they can’t be addressed. Many people ask if there’s a cure for trust issues, and the answer is Yes. A human has a volatile mind and can decide to change and adapt to what he considers best. As someone that has a diploma in applied phycology, here are some of the best ways to deal with trust issues:
- Improve Self Consciousness
- Work on trusting yourself and your mind
- Focus on Control Variables and not Random Ones
After learning this points more in depth you’re going to have a lot more clear, and a map, on what to do to get over trust issues.
This post is all about the best things you can do to improve your abilities to trust people and things that everyone with trust issues should know about.
1. Improve Self Consciousness
This has to do with being self aware. Being conscious about the things that are happening and about the things that aren’t happening. Similarly, it means to be aware of the past experiences that you’ve had that can make it harder for you to be able to trust.
For example, if you have a trauma of some kind, let’s say that you found out that your boyfriend was cheating on you, for instance. That past experience is going to affect directly in your ability to trust your partner in your next romantic relationship. It shouldn’t affect it at all, but it does, and being aware of this is going to play in your favor.
Self Consciousness looks something like this,
Focusing on what’s Real
This means that you won’t give room to imaginary aspects about someone. If you meet someone for the first time and you have trouble trusting them, it’s okay since you don’t know them, but it wouldn’t be okay if it is because you already did a judgement based on imaginary aspects.
Usually what people end up in when they’re not careful with the imaginary world is a delirium. A delirium is a distortion of what’s real and lost of sense of the environment.
How do you know what’s real? Through your senses. Through what you see, touch, taste, smell and hear. You can be 100% certain that it’s real.
External an Internal Self Awareness
This means to be aware of what’s going on in the outside world, and also in your inner world.
In other words, it means that you are aware about your past personal experiences and that they might be the reason why it’s hard for you to trust, not because you actually shouldn’t trust.
In addition, it also means that you need to be aware of the outside world and any real threats for you to not trust someone. There’s times where you shouldn’t trust people, but you need to be aware of what’s going on in the outside world to identify that.
Logical Thinking
The reason why your past relationship shouldn’t affect your new one is for a very simple reason, the 1st law of Logic. Developed by Aristotle, which says that A=A, A is not B, and A is always A. In other words, your past relationship is your past relationship, and your present relationship is not your past relationship, and there’s absolutely no relationship that will be exactly the same as your past relationship. Because we don’t ever live the same thing 2 times.
The past is not the present, therefore the people that you couldn’t trust in the past are not the same people you have in front of you today.
Thinking logically is hard, takes effort and it needs a method. The method of Logic. There are 3 laws of Logic, Study.com has a good lesson about it.
Here’s a great book to learn how to live more consciously.
2. Work on trusting Yourself and Your mind
If you’re unable to trust your own mind, how could you trust someone else’s?
This leads to my next point, the person that you should trust the most, is you. This will help you to be able to trust others, because your risk of getting crushed if someone breaks your trust is way lower if you trust yourself than if you don’t. Because you have a good seatbelt if you have self esteem.
In addition, the ways to be able to trust yourself and your mind even more, is by the actions that you take day to day. This means, you can trust yourself to do something because you actually do it when you say you’re going to do it.
For example, let’s say that I tell my self, “I’m going to clean my room today” but the day passed by, and I never did it. That is indirectly telling my self that I can’t trust me to do something when I say I’m going to do it, since I didn’t do it. Similarly, if I say I’m going to do it, and I actually do it, that helps to build my trust with my self.
In conclusion, when you say you are going to do something, make sure you actually do it.
3. Focus on Control Variables, Not Random Ones
Control variables are things you can control, for example the time you wake up, if you shower or not, if you have breakfast or not. It means that you do have a choice, and you can alter the outcome by the action that you take. In the other hand, random variables are the things that you can’t control. For example if there’s traffic or not, if there’s an accident on the road, if people arrive late to work. It’s just out of your hands.
So a simple exercise that you can do is to identify all the things in your life that are control variables, and all the things that are random variables. And then focus only in the control variables. There is no use in focusing on the random ones. This can help to eliminate stress and anxiety.
For instance, you can’t control if someone lies to you. And that’s okay. That’s out of your hands, you can send an invitation to not lie by providing safety, but the final call is not yours. This means that if someone lies to you is not your fault, is theirs. Therefore, you don’t have anything to feel bad about. Understanding this can help you have less trust issues if someone lies to you, for instance.
In conclusion, worry about the things you can control and are not controlling, and don’t worry about the things you can’t control.
Can trust issues be overcome?
If you’re wondering if trust issues can be overcome, the answer is yes. There’s very rare cases where it can’t be. But normally a human thanks to his will can choose to change or to work to change. With knowledge, effort and consistency it can be overcome. Therapy with a professional is also something very recommendable to have.
Can trust ever be fully regained?
If you lost trust with an important person to you, you’re probably wondering if trust can be ever fully regained. The answer to this is yes, it can be fully regained if you fully commit to not do what caused the trust to be lost ever again, actually not do it, and that the other person also gives priority to regain back trust. It will take time, but it’s totally possible. In addition, you can try to build trust around all the other areas that built your relationship with that person.
How do you know you can’t trust someone?
If you’re in a situation where you don’t know if you can trust someone you’re probably wondering what are the parameters so that you can trust he/she, here are some of the things you should look for to know if you can’t trust someone:
- They haven’t shown to be a reliable person
- Lying is a life habit
- They don’t do what they say they will do constantly
- They break promises constantly
- There’s evidence from other people you can’t trust them
- They bail on you
- Their history with other people
Everyone is different and you shouldn’t jump to make a judgment without enough evidence. Look for evidence and from there build your verdict.
This post was all about the best ways to get over trust issues that everyone with them should know about to have hope about overcoming them.
