If you’re a guy who struggles with an ambivalent girlfriend (meaning constantly plays with leaving you) or if she’s not playing and is serious about it, then you might feel overwhelmed, stressed and anxious. Which is totally normal.
You try your best to keep her from playing with leaving the relationship but very often times she does it aguen. Which can make someone feel very frustrated and anxious. If this sounds anything like you don’t worry. This blog post is all about how to keep your girlfriend from leaving you in ways that actually work. We’re going to look at the following:
- Don’t disparage yourself
- Create a message to give clarity about how you feel and what you want
- Plan to say what you want to say
- Evaluate her reasons for leaving you
- Focus on improving yourself
- Make little actions to show her you want her
- Give her space
After learning all this tools more in depth you’re going to be a pro and super prepared when it comes to keeping your girlfriend from leaving you.
1. Don’t disparage yourself
The first thing we need to check is if you’re underestimating yourself, or making you seem as someone with little value.
Think about the phycology behind it. Would you want something that has little value? Exactly, no. When you make something appear less valuable, it becomes less desirable.
It doesn’t become less valuable, but it does become less desirable to others because they don’t see the value.
So the first step that you need to take is to stop any and all actions that would be showing her, that you don’t have value. One of the most important things to not do, is to not beg. Do not beg her and don’t be needy because this automatically makes you seem less valuable.
If she says “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore”, you can reply something like “That would make me very sad, but I understand and I will respect it if that’s what you want”.
In this message you’re being honest, but you are also not disparaging yourself, or making you seem less valuable.
The point is to let her know that you care but that you won’t die if you’re not with her, because you won’t.
2. Create a message to give her clarity about what you feel and want
Communication is key to solve any problem. That’s why making a message to communicate to her how you feel and what you want or expect is very important.
Here is the time to establish some boundaries and to let her know that you want her, but you won’t die if she doesn’t stay with you.
For example, you could write her something like this: “Hey _____, I’ve noticed that the relationship has constantly been in a bad place lately. Where we are at the edge of breaking up, but we don’t actually break up. I’ve noticed that it has become a pattern, and something that would be worth putting attention to, because it provokes to have the relationship in an anxious state. Which I doubt anyone of us wants. I want the best for you and us because I care about you. I love you and I want to be with you, and because I love you I would also respect if you don’t want to be with me any longer. And I would appreciate if you could help my mind be a little clearer about if we can keep going for the relationship, because I want to. But I would never ask you to do something that you don’t want to do”.
Your situation is going to be unique, so you can adapt the message to your particular context. The goal is to let her know that you want to be with her, but you will respect if she doesn’t want to be with you. And that you are willing to hear her out if she wants to talk about the reasons why she doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
3. Plan to say what you want to say
Knowing when to say things is one of the most missing skills in society. It is extremely powerful and useful.
When you really feel that you need to tell her something is usually not the time to tell her. Because your emotions about it are very high and you can say things that are not in your favor.
When is the right time to talk about a problem? I asked my mentor once. He told me “On a totally different day when things are going perfect”.
Now you may ask, “¿What if things never go perfect? She just wants to break up with me!” then because it’s a different context, the best thing to do is to make a draft of what you want to say, try to be as calm as possible, and talk to her.
Maybe you won’t find a perfect moment to talk to her, but you can find a good enough moment.
Avoid talking to her if you’re crying, or if you’re way too much emotional at that moment. If that’s the case, wait a little bit, and then talk to her.
4. Evaluate her reasons for leaving you
If she hasn’t told you why she wants to leave you, then ask her.
Tell her that you want to know what’s causing this because you would like to repair it if it’s possible.
She might be interested in someone else, or she might really not like some things you do, or she might not like you.
Whatever it is, it’s good to know so that you can accept what you can’t change, and focus on what you can change and should change.
Maybe her reasons are not great reasons, but maybe there are and she’s right and you need to change some things. Which will lead us to step 5.
5. Focus on improving yourself
Being honest with yourself about personal mistakes is very important. Something that can dramatically impact her want to stay with you is if you change things for which she’s leaving you.
So focus on improving the things you know you need to improve and try to impress her.
Besides this, you can also focus on improving in other areas that will make you a better prepared human for life.
Making yourself more interesting can impact on her wish to be with you, and can be very beneficial for you even if she doesn’t stay with you.
6. Make little actions to show her you want her
If you want her to feel love for you, you gotta do things to provoke that.
An emotion is a response for an outside stimuli. So if you do things that are admirable or cute to her, then the odds are that you’re going to produce love in her for you.
Here’s a list of things you can do for her:
- Leave her little cute handwritten notes at random places (work, her backpack, purse, car, etc) that get her thinking about you
- Buy her a coffee for work
- Send her flowers
- Buy tickets for a concert, game or event she would want to go
- Invite her for a date night
- Go to the movies
- Take her to places where you two had special moments
This are just some examples of things you can do to get her in love with you aguen.
7. Give Her Space
After doing somethings of step 6, is time to give her space to think about you, and to show lack of you.
When there’s lack of something, it becomes more valuable.
It’s an economical principle, but it applies to couples first. For instance, picture a Coke. Let’s say is the last Coke available in the country. The value and price of that Coke is going to sky rocket. But only because people know that Coke is a desirable drink.
In step 6 you’re reminding her that Coke is a desirable thing, and in step 7 you are making it seem like there’s less cokes available. In other words, in step 6 you’re reminding her how great you are, and in step 7 you are making it seem like you’re not going to be begging her as well.
Always keep in mind that something is valuable because of it’s scarcity, as you grow more as a person you become more scarce, don’t ruin it by begging or being needy. Your worth can be easily underestimated if so.
This post was all about how to keep your girlfriend from leaving you that every person in this situation should know about.
